"Take a sedative...."

I can't sleep because of you.

I took a sleeping pill at 11pm--woke up like it was the next day at 12 midnight (actually, it was the next day, but irrelevant). My mind, I find, goes to you. Images of you and me together (when) it appears to be in the future. The scenes have not occurred yet. Then I realize I can co-create them--it gets more and more interesting. Soon, we are eventually always living in a large-4 storie brick facade canal house we had restored on the Prinsengracht.......

I took another sleeping pill and two additional benzos. I wanted to dream of you. But, instead, I again am wide awake and back at computer writing this for no body.

I can't sleep because of you!

I live my life in vain. To live is futile.